Category Archives: Self Help

I’m Overweight, So What!

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I’m Overweight, So What!

This week a friend of mine posted an article from Shine Yahoo, click here to read it.

This article speaks to me on so many levels. One level that is left out, for me anyways, is that I don’t have boyfriend, but her attitude & outlook is to the point.

i was a chubby kid. You can even see when it happened, between kindergarten & 1st grade. I was able to reach the cereal in the cabinets and make myself bowls of cereal late at night. Since my room was right next to the kitchen, 2 rooms away from my parents, who were in the living room, it was my little secret. Not so secret when you see the difference between my kindergarten picture, potentially a skinny cutie in the making if I say so myself. The chubby girl emerged in the 1st grade picture. Hard to really notice the beginnings of the double chin because I was scrunching my lips to hide the fact I’d lost my front teeth :-/

Ever since then I was the chubby girl. I was never able to wear the types clothes my girlfriends wore, ever since I was 6-7 years old. So this body image thing has always been prevalent. The only difference is that my girlfriends never made it a big deal. The only ones who made it a big deal were family & even then it wasn’t a constant issue.

True in elementary school I was keenly aware that I was overweight, but in a small school I was part of the popular kids, in a class of 15, that’s not very hard. I was accepted & felt no ostracizing. Until that fateful day in 7th grade, my best friend and I were talking to one of the troublemaker guys who was being kind of nice at the time. He asked my friend to describe me, while I was standing right there. She proceeded to round arms out to make her torso like a bubble & puff out her cheeks. Yea, I was devastated. It was later discerned that she was under the influence of another girl in our class whom I had always had issues with, we both fought for my bestie’s attention throughout elementary school. It still hurt, however to have my best friend knock me down like that.

High school, I was so not part of the popular groups, especially those first 2 years. THEY SUCKED!! Communal changing rooms, PE first period, kids who were way smarter than I was. I can praise the deity of my choice when I say that thankfully I didn’t develop acne issues until later on in life. But to my friends, the weight didn’t matter at all.

College, yeah well we know how good that goes over with college dudes, being overweight. Plus, I had adopted the observe, then engage mode when meeting new people, which many took for bitchiness. What can I say….I was taking it all in as to how others behaved & interacted with each other. I lived vicariously through my friends & their boyfriends, because that’s when relationships become more important. But yeah, no boys for Darnee in college.

You’d think I’d be damaged by that. Well, while in college is when I truly became okay with how I looked. I began working at Lane Bryant and I joined this group: Advocates for a Better Body Image (ABBI). It was a group of girls that wanted to help girls develop better body images & self esteem. I was also reading books by Emme, first real plus sized super model; Fat?So!, among others. It all came together. I no longer let my body rule/control my self esteem. During & after college I bought a ton of books, some of which I never got around to reading, but just being in my house they gave off the energy needed to let me let any issues I had with my body go.

The thoughts rear their heads a bit, but overall I can say I’m over it. Yes, I try diets, when I let the thoughts win, it would be so much nicer to be able to wear this or look like her. I never win, my will & stamina suck to be able to stick those things out long term. It is a lifestyle choice after all.

The last person I dated, was attracted to me, even said he liked plus size girls. However when he broke up with me he used the weight thing as a point of opposition. Last time I checked I was fat when we met, so I don’t know what he was thinking when he rationalized that one, but oh well.

I’ll continue on, I’m happy with myself as I am, I would like to be thinner, but I know that’s not going to happen, so I can’t let it get me down, then I’d be a basketcase about it all.

So people just need to get used to my voluptuously plump awesomeness!

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They Say That…

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February, end of winter, is the most depressing time of year. I can totally get that. Life as a single teacher is hard. I know so many of my coworkers whose families help them grade papers, clean their rooms, set up/take down their rooms. So the tasks aren’t as daunting for those of us who have no extra hands. Work is hard, but it’s always hard, I’d like to quote Tom Hanks as Jimmy Dugan in A League of Their Own here: “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.”

Things just keep getting harder 😦 So that thing I spoke about back in October that was making me all girly giddy happy just fell through. I had suspected as much a while ago, didn’t want to see the writing on the wall, but yeah I got the closure needed to move on. Shame when you think you’ve communicated a lot, apparently it’s still not enough for some.

 

One Year From Now

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One Year From Now. by Outside Air

Kind of sums up certain things I’ve been thinking about this year & how I want things in my life to change the next year.

Some resolutions Kari mentions in her post I’m adopting:

1. Bring my camera, not just the phone with me whenever I go anywhere.

2. Discipline over my body thing, I’m still the girl who worked her ass off to be okay with how I am physically. I’m still the girl who tried the Medifast diet early last summer & gave up 3 weeks into it, sigh….. I’m going to try & figure out some sort of balance between my love of food & being better at getting more physically active in the New Year.

3. I love the idea of going on small adventures. Doesn’t have to cost anything, but I want to take advantage of the area I live in & explore it.

4. Making time for people. I’d like to think I got better at this during 2012. Especially after my dad passed I made it a point to call my mom at least once a week. I made contact with my childhood friend again when she finally joined facebook. I’m going to be better at keeping communication up with all my family, friends (close & acquaintances).

5. Read more, I have a kindle, I need to read the books I already have on it & make room for new ones that I’ve made note of & haven’t made time for.

6. Improve my blogs. I’ve always had my personal one, but this year I began my professional one. I need to make more time in creating substantial blog posts, not just fleeting, fly by the seat of my pants entries on either blog.

7. Ooooohhhhh, financial discipline: this is a biggie. I need to do it, it’s not an option, I just need to bite the bullet & do it. I’ve seen a couple apps, online & mobile that could help in this arena, I just need to do it.

Here are the ones I’m adding:

8. Organized home. I’m going to try the 52 Week Challenge. Fingers crossed, it focuses on just one small area of the house each week to organize.

9. Build My Personal Relationship, this is still new for me, which I like, still getting to know this person better & how we work together. So that’s all I’m going to put out there for now.

10. Invest more time in becoming a better teacher. I got lucky last year. This year I’m still finding my way with my class with what works for one half & what doesn’t work. I’m committed to devoting my time to making sure these children leave me knowing that I gave them everything in my power to give them to be successful.

Here’s to a wonderful New Year

It’s Been Nothing But Work!

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I’ve done nothing but work the past week. I did take some respite early in the weekend and played pool with a friend. It’s been forever since I played. Like Delta Lion’s Club home playing with some of the LEOs in the upstairs room. Yeah, those of you who know me & read this will know how long ago that is.

I’ve also been challenged that I’m not sharing too much information about myself, hmmm. Makes me wonder when one is getting to know someone else, does anyone else tend to just sit back & take all they can in about the other person, therefore not sharing all that much about their own lives? How do you share your life story without making it boring & droll & interesting enough so the person doesn’t think you’re a total bore?

This has now become work too, how to be the best person you can for yourself & the person you’re getting to know. Can’t just rest on your laurels so to speak, you have to make your laurels work for you. Off now to work, which kind of work I’ll leave it to your imaginations.

Ideas For My Own Personal Happiness Project

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I’ve been reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin lately. I gotta tell ya it seems like just what I needed in my life right now.

A few months ago I had someone in my life that wasn’t very happy with their situation. Unfortunately for me I tend to absorb all emotions around me whether they’re happy, sad, anger, excited, etc. It was to the point where I couldn’t seem to shake those emotions, I was a wreck earlier this summer. Other things besides having those emotions in close proximity factored into my mental state, say oh my current relationship status i.e. null/void/nil/nada but hey what can ya do?

I began reading The Happiness Project before I began talking with someone, professional, to guide me through getting past all those emotions I had absorbed & were letting fester, ick! It’s funny because all my assignments thus far have mirrored things in the book.

Well I’ve been doing research & came across this blog post by Chic Vegan. A lot of the things she lists are all things that were in my head, I just hadn’t been able to verbalize them or put them down on paper, so to speak. Obviously I’m going to be referring to this list as I create my own Happiness Project.

Of course I’ll post as I progress 😉